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OH no! Not another light bulb joke!
 The ubiquitous light bulb & its history of humor
Links toTHOUSANDS of light bulb jokes:
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How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eight. One to change the bulb, and seven more to make sure Microsoft gets $2 every time a lightbulb is changed anywhere in the world.
Q. How many voyeurs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but they'd much rather watch someone else do it.
Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
A1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
A3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
A4. Rottweiler: Make me.
A5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
A6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
A7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
A8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
A9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
A10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
A11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
A12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
A13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
A14. New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little cluster...
A15. Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN,
THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS,
CATS HAVE STAFF.
PS: Where's the Pit Bull & Chinese Char-Pei
... gotta be something funny there?
How many country & western singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four, one to change the lightbulb, and the other three to sing about how much they miss the old one.
A: Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.
Q: How many support staff people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? O.K.. Just exactly how dark is it? O.K.. There could be four or five things wrong. Have you tried the light switch?
How many soccer players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to hoof it from defence, one to put it in, one to jump on the other two to celebrate.
How many Microsoft employees does it actually take to change a lightbulb?
One developer to spend five minutes implementing ChangeLightBulbWindowHandleEx.
One program manager to write the specification.
One localization expert to review the specification for localizability issues.
One usability expert to review the specification for accessibility and usability issues.
At least one dev, tester and PM to brainstorm security vulnerabilities.
One PM to add the security model to the specification.
One tester to write the test plan.
One test lead to update the test schedule.
One tester to write the test cases and add them to the nightly automation.
Three or four testers to participate in an ad hoc bug bash.
One technical writer to write the documentation.
One technical reviewer to proofread the documentation.
One copy editor to proofread the documentation.
One documentation manager to integrate the new documentation into the existing body of text, update tables of contents, indexes, etc.
Twenty-five translators to translate the documentation and error messages into all the languages supported by Windows.The managers for the translators live in Ireland (European languages) and Japan (Asian languages), which are both severely time-shifted from Redmond, so dealing with them can be a fairly complex logistical problem.
A team of senior managers to coordinate all these people, write the cheques, and justify the costs to their Vice President.
Q. - How many Chinese does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Thousands, because Confucious say many hands make light work.
Q - How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.
Q - How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - None. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, you know.
Q - How many grocery store cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill.
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Q: How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - but he has to wait until the light gets better.
Q: How many optimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they're convinced that the power will come back on soon.
Q: How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Why bother? It's just going to burn out anyway
"Pessimist: One who, given the choice of two evils, chooses both."
-Oscar Wilde
Q - How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Just one. But the bulb has to really WANT to change.
Q: How many [IBM] Technical Writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only, ``This page intentionally left blank,'' and 20% of the definitions are of the form ``A <...> consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks.''
A': Just one, provided there's an engineer around to explain how to do it.
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: one.
Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to screw in the giraffe and two to fill the bathtub with multicolored clocks.
Q: How many veterinarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the bulb and two more to complain that an MD makes ten times as much for the same procedure!!
Q: How many dentists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the lightbulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That depends on whether it has health insurance.
How many wives does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows - they're too busy trying to change their husbands.
Q. How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence.
Q - How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with darkness"
Q - How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder.
Q - How many circus performers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Two. One to change the bulb and the other to shout, 'Ta-daaaa!'
Q - How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Only one, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
Q - How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - Any number, but they always screw it up.
Q - How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - Four. One to change the bulb, and three to write about how the bulb is exploiting the socket.
Q - How many Christian scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - None. Let's pray and wait for God to give us light.
Q - How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness (TM) to be the new industry standard.
Q - How many Beta-testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - We noticed the darkness; We didn't actually fix the problem.
Q - How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A - It won't get done. He'll only promise change.
Q - How many Maoists does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Chairman Mao, is the source of all light and cannot be changed.
Q - How many Apple Employees does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Seven. one to change the bulb, and six to design the T-shirt.
How many Super Models does it take to change a light bulb ?
None. What do you want me to do, ruin my nails !
Q - How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Depends on what You want it to change to.
Q - How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.
Q - How many believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?
A - It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
Q - How many managing editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A - You were supposed to have changed that light bulb last week!
Q - How many art directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Does it have to be a light bulb?
Q - How many marketing directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A - It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?
Q - How many Vietnam veterans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN!! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!!
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Our coming Newsletter is code-named 'CURRENT' EVENTS.
Our favorite subject & how so true:
How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A) None, the light bulb still works! Screwed in crooked that's all!
A) None, the light bulb works, but whoever tried this was non-union!
A) None, the light bulb works, but wasn't screwed in far enough!
A) One, Don't you know you could get hurt or even killed by trying to deal with something as dangerous as electicity? Leave it to the professionals.
A) One, Smart Lighting Inc. knows how to do it right the first time! LOL
TIME IS MONEY!
Thank you!
Entire Site Copyright 2008, 2009 by Smart Lighting Inc.
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